the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
