The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
