So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
