i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Vodka?
Forever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
