i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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