mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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