I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
