she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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