careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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