if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
