It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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