I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
