somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
