There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize