well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
