Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
