Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
