shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize