You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
