i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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