porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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