Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
