I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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