oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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