Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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