I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
