I'm eating all of the evidence.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
