i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
