I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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