Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
