he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize