We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
