Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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