not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
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