she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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