The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
