Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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