i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
