So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
