Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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