I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
