his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
