And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
