Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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