Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize