Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
