I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
