Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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