Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
