You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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