I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
