I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
