He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
