So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
