Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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