I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
