you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
