thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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