Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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