Your tits are I can't wait for
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
