Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
