he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
