I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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