i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
