Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
