non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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