yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
