The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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