ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
