we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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