I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
