The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
