A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Send help, water and tortillas.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
